Rant of the Century

May 6, 2009 at 5:34 pm (Rants)

This is becoming less of a blog and more of a huge rant isn’t it!? Too bad. Its my outlet and I wanna rant! I had a bad day.

To All of You Who Drive South on Rte 8 in the Evenings:

  • Stop checking your damn brakes every 25 feet. If you’re doing 65 and they worked 20 seconds ago at the stoplight, they still work now. There is NO EXCUSE for you to be stepping on that brake pedal every 10 seconds – there’s no one in front of you!
  • When the two lane highway is opening up to three lanes, I have no idea WHY everyone has to slow down 20 mph to decide if they want to jump into the 3rd lane. Move along!
  • If I’m in the left lane, I’m already doing 80 in a 60 zone…DO NOT run up behind me and flash your lights at me. I will slow down to 60 and watch you scream at me in my rearview mirror just for fun. I will also purposely line up with the two people in the other lanes for the next two miles so you have no where to go.
  • If you are driving 60 in the far left lane…you are begging to be tailgated and headlights flashed at you. Knock it off!
  • To all you idiots that get on Rte 8 at Steels Corners…its called MERGE. If you don’t know how to do it, find another route home. You do NOT just fly down the on ramp and hope that everyone that’s already on the highway moves out of your way.

To Those of You Living with Me (you know who you are):

  • The smell and sight of eggs makes me heave. You know this. Stop leaving little scrambled egg pieces all over the kitchen until they get hard. I’m not your mother and I’m not going to walk behind you cleaning up.
  • You’re loud when you cook at midnight…STOP IT.
  • You don’t have to SLAM the door, if you just push it gently, it will shut.
  • You do not need to call me every time you leave the house. If you need directions, look them up before you leave the house. No, I do not know how late the corner store is open. No, I do not want to hear your daily epiphany. No, I do not need you to call me every time Moo gets in the garbage. If you quit leaving chicken and eggs in there, he won’t eat it. No, I will not close your windows every time it rains. I check the weather before I leave…you should try it.

To My Incompetent Coworkers:

  • When you call me over to your desk, you better damn well be ready with what you need. I do not need to stand there for 20 minutes while you finish up, especially when I had to come to YOU.
  • Stop yelling to me from the other room. We have intercoms for a reason.
  • When I ask you 3 times for something and you wait until the last minute to give it to me, do not bitch when it’s not done on your timeline.

UPS:

  • You suck. This is Ohio. It rains and it snows. FedEx delivers to my house at least twice a week. When I’m not home they wrap the cardboard box in a plastic bag and put it in the door. You guys leave the cardboard outside the door to get soaked. You’re idiots. You better step it up before you become the next DHL…its called common sense. Oh, they also leave a dog biscuit in the plastic bag with my delivery…now that’s some good customer service!

To My Neighbors:

  • I don’t know you. Don’t walk into my backyard uninvited and act all surprised and hurt that Moo is growling at you. He’s SUPPOSED to growl at you! You’re lucky he doesn’t bite…use your head.

To All the Restaurants in the Cleveland/Akron Area:

  • If I order a veggie burger with everything, I do not mean that I want a veggie burger with bacon on it! Oh, and to the 5 waitresses that keep asking me how I want my veggie burger cooked – warm would be just stellar…really.

Mojo:

  • I love you, really I do, but if you don’t stop peeing on the grass seed, I’m going to kill you. Ok not really, but stop it. Also, if you could PLEASE just poop behind the garage that would be great.

Giant Eagle:

  • You cannot charge $2.79 for ONE avocado – that’s highway robbery!

I feel better now. Thanks.

Advertisements

5 Comments

  1. ekgheiy said,

    🙂 I’m with you gal!! That bumper riding people who are already *allegedly* 😉 breaking speed laws is a terrible tactic for aggressive drivers. When jackass coast on my tail wind, I set that puppy on cruise control and really piss ’em off. It’s amazing that they are just too stupid to go the f**k around. Ha!

    Sorry about the roommate troubles. Serve ’em with some eviction notices. 🙂 At one point in time, getting a roommate crossed my mind because I thought it would be a nice source of income to put toward fixing the house and such. But then I came back to my senses and realized … I am *not* roommate material. When I come home, another person is the last thing I want to see. I like the peace and quiet of my two kitties and my walls & ceilings. *sigh* 🙂

  2. Kerri said,

    ***********
    To All the Restaurants in the Cleveland/Akron Area:

    If I order a veggie burger with everything, I do not mean that I want a veggie burger with bacon on it! Oh, and to the 5 waitresses that keep asking me how I want my veggie burger cooked – warm would be just stellar…really.
    ***********

    Ha ha! This one’s my favorite!!

  3. Steph said,

    Jenni! You moved your blog! I had to find you again, and I have to update my blogroll.

    But I’m glad I found you.

    And I love the rants, makes me feel like I’m not alone in my frustrations.

  4. Yo Sista said,

    Jenni….u r crazy but hilarious. I should try venting to the world. And i totally agree with u on on UPS…they suck at life! And Jenni…if u would quit eating veggie burgers and eat a real one…u wouldn’t have that problem.

  5. Darlene said,

    ROLMAO!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: